Serenity

There’s always a constant chatter going on in my mind – lately it is mostly the analytcal criticism of myself and others. Even this post is the byproduct such a mind-chatter. True serenity lies in the stillness of mind which of course is the chief endeavor of each satsangi. Living according to Sant Mat principles is not easy. Each step and thought needs to be scrutinized. I sometimes feel like not doing or thinking anything at all- just keep my indulgence in thoughts and activities to a bare minimal. But then one or the other environmental factors and my worldly attachments push me into the whirlpool of thoughts and actions which I know are useless but still have to be done. At times this urge to stay inert causes a feeling of guilt of running away from my worldly duties. Then I really wish if I could be a robot – no clutter of emotions and thoughts. I think environment in terms of our associations with people (family, friends and co-workers etc.) is extreemely imporant and is deterimental to one’s well being both worldly and spiritual.

Looking at the above lines I’m realizing that these are simple facts I’ve heard and read many times but it sinks in only with experience.

What God wants

Many great saints have said the same thing that God is Love – pure and unadulterated. Essence of this simple statement is not easy to understand. As a great saint has said that it is a matter of experience not of intellect – it knows no logic, but only devotion and faith. God wants us to love Him for His sake and not for fulfilling our worldly desires. Almighty is a very jealous beloved – He doesn’t want us to love anything or anyone other than Him. And achieving such a love is not an easy thing to do. It is also true that unless we love Him as He wants us to love Him, we cannot be truly happy and cannot unite with Him. The one who loves Him the way He wants gets everything. Lord very eagerly wants us to return back to Him but He tests our true love and devotion for Him. I recently experienced how He might be feeling when we poor mortals fail to understand this and constantly try to do our own will rather than submitting ourselves to His Sweet Will. I guess most of the parents too will be able to relate to this feeling I’m talking about. We think that we can achieve true Happiness by our own efforts, but we are mistaken. It is only through our complete devotion and love for Him that we can be worthy of His Grace and meet Him. It is a matter of pleasing Him by doing whatever it takes! And it is not easy to do

The beast called mind

My mind is the most formidable of my enemies in the universe. Whenever and wherever it wants it starts making me dance to its diktats. I pray only to Him to save me from my mind.

Painting our life sketches

An author had the following to say in connection with our limited intellect and Lord’s Grace:

“… Our real needs and wants are not those that are most apparent to us. The conditions we believe we need to grow are often not the conditions which promote true growth.
A monk who needed oil planted an olive sapling. Then he prayed for gentle showers for its tender roots, then for the sun to warm it and then for the frost to brace its tissues. He was puzzled to find the tree sparkling with frost but lifeless at the end and unable to supply his needs. In life, too, we lay down so many conditions that we are unable to grow spiritually.
The monk’s brother housed in another cell had also planted a tree, but prayed for it to thrive and entrusted it and what it needed to God. The tree thrived because God supplied its needs knowing better than the monk all that it truly needed to survive.
We are painting our life sketches and planting our life trees. Some of us choose stagnation, others growth. If we remain caught up in superficialities, we finally stagnate. We have to go beyond and look for the truly abiding hidden in the surface turmoil and cries of the battlefield to discover true rest. We cannot paint both pictures at the same time. We choose either life or death.”

Fantasy redeemer

I started the journey in a beautiful weather
In the hope that we’ll be always together.

In all my dreams I put you as first
In the hopes to strengthen what we share as trust.

With you alone I wanted to enjoy
The little things I did.

Around you alone is my everything woven
There’s a trace of you in every step I’ve taken.

At times I wonder
If I’m a fantasy redeemer.

Taking the test

At times I come accros something or someone that uncovers and makes me think about those weaker points about me which are not comfortable to think about. Those are the kind of points which I always know are there in me and often try to correct them as well, but with little success. Recently I was reading a great Saint’s message which showed me my true picture.

“When people think that they have renounced everything as a result of reading holy books and analytical thinking, they are only deceiving themselves. It is a great mistake. They have not yet tested their mind and senses. When they are brought face to face with the allurements of sensual pleasures, or flattered by the rich or powerful, they will see how the mind feels happy and attentive to such seductions; and also how the mind reacts to censure, dishonor, or the denial of the object of desire. It shows that the desire for honor and respect and fame and for travels and sight-seeing is still very strong in the mind. To look upon outward renunciation, detachment, or the reading of spiritual books as true Parmarth is also a mistake, for the mind is not vanquished by these means.”

“… What boots it to denounce the pleasures of this world and the next as the refuse on which crows feed, while secretly the mind harbors the desire for and seeks the opportunities to enjoy those very pleasures? Alas, they do not even realize the discrepancy between what they say and what they do!”

Tough choices

Sometime destiny puts us in situation when it becomes very tough to choose one course over the other. Recently I’ve started to weigh my actions with the cosmic law of karma before committing it – of courese I do fail to do so properly many times. Recent situation is such that I need to choose between something resulting from a party’s desires and something that is a necessity of that party. These desires may be that of a parent of their children or those of an individual to establish him/herself in this world. And the necessities that I mentioned could again be those of the dependent parents from their children or those of a spouse from his/her partner. There are other parameters in this equation such as my responsibilties towards either of the party and debts or ‘ehsaan‘ that I have of the either party. I’m also trying to see which choice will take me farther from or nearer to the Lord. I’m sure choosing one over the other is definitely going to hurt the other – adding to my karmic burden. But I guess this hurt can be avoided if both the parties I’m trying to choose from let go of their ego and think about the bigger goal of the life. Now you can ask “What about your own ego, Mr. Blogger?” I guess in this situation I’ve let go of it and that’s why trying to weigh my action before I commit it [this statement stinks of ego]. At end of the day I don’t want to do anything that increases my karmic load. I hope He helps me to make the right choice!

Will of the Lord

I very well know and accept the fact that the lasting bliss, peace and happiness can only be attained by living in Lord’s Will, however at times I find myself to be unable to figure out what is God’s Will before taking any action or thinking a thought. I guess my mind needs Satguru’s stick to tell it that whatever is happening is His Will!!

I found the “Karma Clarified …” chapter in book “Life Is Fair” especially very enlightening. As obvious from its title this chapter talks about the cosmic Law of Karma. Though I knew the basic operation of this law, but the author of this book has explained the finer workings of this law very very lucidly. Especially how the law is enforced was particularly enlightening and refreshing to me. To quote from the chapter:

“… But who enforces karmic law? What ensures that cosmic justice always will be meted out, regardless of the desires of the wrongdoer or rightdoer? Interestingly, the answer usually is desire. … Karma generally operates in people through desire or intention. If the moral law of justice demands that we are to receive something, we will have a desire to obtain it. If karmic law requires that we be at a particular place at a certain time – to be injured in an accident, say, or meet a person – then our mind will lead us to keep that appointment with destiny. Often these kinds of experiences are called coincidences. A crash kills ninety-nine people on an airplane, and one survives. An impulse leads someone to take a walk in an unfamiliar part of town, and they end up marrying the stranger who helped them when they got lost.” … “Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills. This is the crux of karma … our everyday consciousness cannot tell the difference between an intention that has emerged out of the bin of our current life’s karma and a freely willed action or thought. Our destiny and our freedom are interwoven.”

I can corroborate all this from my own personal experience. I now kind of understand why Love, the pure spiritual bliss, is the only thing that can be in harmony with Nature. Perhaps now it is making some real sense to me why Masters and Saints advise, teach and encourage us to be loving in true sense of the word, if we are to be worthy of being in Lord’s presence. But it’s very tough to live upto this lofty standard by my own. I surely need His support and also of my companions. I say companions because if I slip at least there should be someone who, if capable, may be able to help me get back on track, and also helps in maintaining the right environment so that we may avoid slipping in the first place. But for this the companions must themselves understand all this and be at least at the same spiritual platform as I. I guess this will come by His Grace. Now the desire is getting stronger to overcome the mind! May He shower His Grace!

Condition of being human

Understanding the precise nature and scope of what is meant by the human condition is a socio-spirituo-philosophical problem. There are both biological and psychological events that a mortal human life experiences. Perhaps the manner in which we react to or cope with these events can be termed as human condition. Above all the human existance is full of paradoxes. There is a whole gamut of things that amazes me if I sit and start thinking about the “whys” of my own life. Why do I act or react this or that way? Why do I need XYZ though my life was going smoothly without it a while ago? … and the list goes on. Lately I’ve been getting increasingly convinced about the fact that all these can be explained. In fact some of the questions can be answered by the established theories in psycology. First time I came across one such theory was around 13 years back while in engineering school where Dr. P.C. Rihal explained to us “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs“. At that time it made little sense to me. Today after 13 years the pyramid - especially the middle layer of it – makes perfect sense to me. May be there are other theories, but I find this one very fascinating as it can explain most of the human behaviour.

Faith, pleasure and relativity

I sometime wonder how do we start trusting someone and having faith in that person. What goes into building the strongest of our faith in something or someone? Why with a change in our surroundings and environement does the same trust and faith start dwindling and ultimately vanish or in other cases increasing and fortifying? Depending upon my frame of mind I may tend to attribute the plunge or rise in faith to the reasons that we see on the surface with our intellect, or I may interpret it with karmic law. In the former case I may look at the actions (i.e. those actions which are deterimental to my faith) of the object and give it more weightage. This is what usually my mind prompts me to do. In case of a downfall once I look at the actions – the reality that can be seen with the physical eyes – it is hard to believe object’s words no matter how soothing they may sound. With the karmic law it’s easy – everything is attributed to my own doings/misdoings of the past.

Nevertheless, loss of faith is a painful experience. I feel it is so mainly because we, on a physical plane, start weaving various dreams and selfish desires around the object of our faith. And when our faith is threatened or shaken we see our dreams and desires too getting shatterred.

There’s another strange trick that mind seems to play – mind’s satisfaction or pleasure with a particular object is relative to the pleasure or satisfaction which it derives from other objects of mind’s attachment. I think most of us have experienced this ‘relativity’ of faith or pleasure derived by mind in our friendships or associations with others. For example, at one time out of a group of my friends I may be more fond of a particular one. Now if he/she does something to shake my faith then he/she may slip to number 2 or 10 and someone who was earlier number 2 may now become number 1! Another manifestation of such ‘relativity’ could also be seen in one’s relation with his/her in-laws, particularly in context of Indian middle class. If one is not good with his/her spouse, usually he/she may tend to believe that the whole of spouse’s family is ganging up on him/her i.e. the suspecting partner’s faith in the in-laws takes a dip. However, the reality usually is that the suspecting partner (the self-assumed ‘victim’) has never even spoken to the poor in-laws for months or even years and thus the in-laws without being anywhere in the picture of day-to-day life of the troubled couple, become untrustworthy for someone!

So I guess the ‘pleasure’ we derive from one attachment seems also to be a function of the state of another one.