Mistakes of our lives

Knowing

bsss — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 09:57:49 +0000

It has been raining intermittently since past few days here. The track marks left by trucks and tractors on the softer ground near few construction sites here are filled with rain water. While walking back from the mess after lunch today I noticed a construction worker washing his hands and filling some plastic container with the rain water that was collected in one of the track marks. My hygiene-conscious mind pops the thoughts like ‘why is he risking his health by using that dirty water…’. The analysis had started – ”Perhaps he is not aware of the health risks posed by such dirty water. Otherwise he would not be using that water.“

I too had done something similar long long time ago. I used to play and even wash myself with rain water from the village pond when as a 7 year old I lived in a village in Punjab. I wasn’t aware of the real “risks” then May be, I also didn’t care back then.

If I try to relate this behavior to numerous other actions and thoughts that most of us do and think, we are not always sure of the real implications of our thoughts and actions. Particularly, if someone does something wrong to someone, it is highly likely that the individual doesn’t know what he/she is really doing. Knowing at times can be painful — it can slow you down. At times you just want to be in a state when you do not have to act or think anything — just be still be detached.

Another related question that arises is: what is knowing and being aware? At the worldly level, aren’t all these things outcome of our conditioned mind? I often find myself saying (or rather judging) “I know such and such thing is good/bad“. How did I know what was good or bad? Aren’t such concepts defined by the conditioned environment I have lived in?

It is heartening and immensely reassuring when Someone tells us that at the thread-bare level everything here is a thought and a concept. ਸਬ ਕੁਛ ਬਸ ਇੱਕ ਖ਼ਿਆਲ ਜੇਹਾ ਹੀ ਹੈ … ਉਸ ਤੋਂ ਵੱਧ ਕੁਝ ਨਹੀਂ. I sometime wish there were more people around me who could really understand all this. Or may be I’m a bit eccentric.

Reactions and विवेक

bsss — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 11:15:21 +0000

Early this year in Lucknow Murshid said in the satsang that our life has been reduced to just a big reaction. In the larger context there He meant that all our life is spent in just reacting to the events around us, without much serious deliberation on our part about doing what we end up doing. Much less thinking about the real purpose of the human life.

Careless reactions to situations, temptations and demands that we face in our day to day life is, in my view, the major contributor towards all the burdensome karma that we gather. Our karma from the previous lives drive and orchestrate the situations that we face. But how we end up dealing with them, that is, how we react to them is the time when script for the life ahead gets written. So, when thinking and acting in and about the world, we in fact are scripting our life ahead. Though they still bind us here, the “good” karma we don’t worry much about. Troublesome part is to deal with situations which may blank out the sense of discrimination between reasonable and unreasonable — our “vivek”.

In this compitive world where our selfish desires and ambitions drive how we live and act, we often end up injuring each other in different ways. Sometimes knowingly and often unknowingly. How should I deal with that? When someone inflicts an injury to “me” I’ve got three options:

a) “Kiss their feet, and return to your own home” as Baba Sheikh Farid advised (ਫਰੀਦਾ ਜੋ ਤੈ ਮਾਰਨਿ ਮੁਕੀਆਂ ਤਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਾ ਨ ਮਾਰੇ ਘੁੰਮਿ ॥ ਆਪਨੜੈ ਘਰਿ ਜਾਈਐ ਪੈਰ ਤਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਾ ਦੇ ਚੁੰਮਿ ॥).

b) Respond in most “reasonable way” to keep myself safe. In the process I may have to show some resistence/agression, but “the intent” is not to harm the other.

c) Hit back in every reasonable/unreasonable way that I can with the “vengeful intent” of causing injury to the other.

Option #a is obviously the spiritually safest but most tough to follow in today’s time. BTW, at times #a actually may be the only option!! Option #c smells bad very clearly; it is often the result of careless reaction to situation. I think #b seems to be a workable solution, but the problem here is that what “I” deem as “reasonable” may not be so in His view. This is where the Murshid and His teachings help. Challenge is to keep the “vivek” intact; but averting the failure is very difficult without His Grace!

The Ocean of Love

bsss — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 16:36:04 +0000

I was listening to the beautifully sung (by Mohit Chauhan) and written (by Mir Ali Husain) song “chala aaya pyar”. Lyrics have immense depth, especially when you also consider the theme of the movie (Aashayein, 2010) in which this song appears.

ख्वाबोँ की लहरें, खुशिओं के साए .. खुशबू की किरने, धीमे से गाये

यही तो है हमदम, वो साथी, वो दिलबर, वो यार

यादोँ के नाज़ुक परो पे चला आया प्यार

मोहब्बत का दरिया अजूबा निराला, जो तैरा वो पाया कभी न किनारा

जो बेख़ौफ़ डूबा वही तो पहुँच पाया पार

It basically seems to be saying that all that we experience in dreams (ख्वाबोँ की लहरें) or while awake (खुशिओं के साए .. खुशबू की किरने, धीमे से गाये) — it is all Him (यही तो है हमदम, वो साथी, वो दिलबर, वो यार)!

He is all Love which manifests subtly through the fully conscious remembrance of Him (यादोँ के नाज़ुक परो पे चला आया प्यार). In the Ocean of Love that He is (मोहब्बत का दरिया अजूबा निराला), only the one who gives himself to It without fear, crosses over (जो बेख़ौफ़ डूबा वही तो पहुँच पाया पार); not the one who tries to swim through It (जो तैरा वो पाया कभी न किनारा).

Amazing poetry and equally amazing is the voice!

Good health, bubbles and tea pot

bsss — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 17:11:24 +0000

It is a privilege to be in good health — both emotional and physical. Proper bhakti and particularly meditation is very difficult when I’m sick or when my mind is agitated. A slight pain in the eyes is sufficient to spoil a meditation session

Mind runs in all directions — it likes to imagine problems and solve them. Things that would probably never happen, it likes to imagine those and ultimately resulting in worry of some sort. I try to ‘watch’ the thoughts as they arise in my mind. Have you ever closely watched milk or tea boiling on a stove? Bubbles form so quickly that before you fix your eyes on one, the next one had already pushed it into the air and with a blup it vanishes. It happens so fast that you cannot see how a bubble forms and how it vanishes. If you record this phenomenon on a video and play it frame-by-frame at a much reduced speed, you’ll probably see what’s going on in the tea pot, how the bubbles form and vanish.

Mind is much like that tea pot continuously producing the bubbles of thoughts. I want to watch these bubbles as they form and eventually be able to stop and start their flow at will. Imagine, you are sitting in meditation and after a while your mind starts to feel bound and tries to escape, that is, it wants you to get up. You probably resist the initial few attempts of the mind. Unless you are highly focussed and attached to something within and are enjoying it, the disruptive thoughts keep raising their head. At some point you give in to such thoughts and you get up. Meditation session is over. This leaves you frustrated because you had set out to sit for a longer time than what you actually sat for! Now you slowly rewind the scene, and find out how did you exactly gave in to those thoughts that made you to get up? I need to find this out and fix the damn thing

Safest Carrier

bsss — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 18:42:04 +0000

I feel it is necessary to have difficult times in one’s life. Taken in the right spirit, these times have a profound spiritual impact and serve as a vehicle to makes us better human beings. All my learnings about ethics, morals, virtues and so on get tested only in such times. Mind just likes to feel good about the bookish learning that it has gained about leading a virtuous life and about practicing the faculty of discrimination between good and bad etc. Difficult times serve as the testbed to try out this learning. I can safely say that there is huge difference in knowing the theory and in practicing it. It’s very difficult. I often think that Lord doesn’t have any other way to ensure that we are worthy of becoming Him except by trying us in His parameters (what are those?!). He is all in all, omnipotent. Now someone like me with so many weaknesses of flesh and mind, how would One ensure that I’m worthy? Looks like the algorithm defined for the likes of me is to: first impart the theoretical knowledge, then continue to throw at me the difficult situations until the theory has been transformed into wisdom. It is like we test a product in repeated QA test cycles to ensure that the product is worthy of the market. The higher the quality the more stringent tests it needs to pass. This often reminds me of a particular show on Discovery where they showed how the high end cars go through crash tests and so on. Until they are confident enough about the quality of car‘s safety devices to keep the passengers safe, they keep on crashing the car in tests! So the only way out for the poor car from the crash testing is: to PASS THE TEST!! Failure is not an option for a car that dreams of being the Safest Carrier.

Hospital

bsss — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 19:15:11 +0000

Visiting a hospital can be a very humbling and eye-opening experience in many ways. In recent past I have been visiting hospitals for one reason or another. Recently I went to Fortis Mohali for some consultations regarding my mom’s condition. While we were waiting to see the doctor, I would notice the patients. Most patients were elderly men and women and few were young adults accompanied by thier respective attendants. May be this was just a conincident, in the elderly group, I saw more men accompanying their unwell wives (how did I know if they were a couple — I’ll write about it another time!) than the other way around on the days I was at the hospital. Those elderly men and women showed utmost care for thier unwell partners there. Most couples were not accompanied by any other family members. Some were on wheelchair with the other partner pushing it.

I was moved to see one particular couple: a lean sikh gentleman of about 70 was accompanying his wife. She appeared quite worried while he was comforting her by explaing some documents which appeared to be some diagnostic test reports. On thier turn he very gently took her hands and walked her into doctor’s cabin. We were the next to see that doctor.

Most couples of my parent’s generation that I know have given thier enire lives to raise and nurture the families, with wives holding the fort at home and the husbands at work. Driving back home after the hospital visit I kept thinking about the life in old age. I had mixed feelings. It was pleasantly touching to see some elderly partners care so lovingly for thier unwell spouse. In some cases I felt sad to see the elderly couples struggle alone to deal with the hospital running around.

His currency

bsss — Tue, 24 May 2011 18:03:59 +0000

Last Sunday dad, two of his friends and I went to listen to murshid‘s discourse. Weather in Punjab last weekend was unusually pleasant in mid May. We started early from home at about 4.00am. Drive from Ghanauli up till almost Jalandhar is a breeze these days. I like the road along the canal from Ropar till Balachaur. This small stretch of the highway is surrounded by green country side of Punjab. Early morning drive is amazing there! Dad’s “dollar” works at the Balachaur toll plaza, but the blokes at another toll plaza before Phagwara are a finicky lot and (rightly) refuse to recognize dad’s “dollar” — his now expired ID. Children don’t let him (mis)use his ID or anything that he ethically shouldn’t be using to have his way. This time opponents were in majority so they tried to exploit the “dollar” but the attempt failed when the toll plaza guy refused to accept that ID. However, the toll guy asked dad where we were headed — people often get influenced by dad’s persona, particularly his now all-grayed out mustache. Dad said we were going to Dera at Beas. Hearing this the toll guy said: “OK now this ID of your works because you are going to Dera”. I almost stopped the car and tried to pay the dues then and there. The elderly friend of dad then stopped me and said: “At the final day too it will be His Name that will let us through, why worry if He let us through this little toll thing?” I reluctantly moved on, but these words of the elderly gentleman kept lingering in my head. Being a responsible citizen I wanted to pay my dues. Invoking your Murshid‘s name for the most trivial of the things like this toll is almost criminal in my view! Nevertheless, I was thinking that ultimately it will again be His Word that will save me at the final day and not my own effort; at that moment too am I going to say: “No I want to pay all my karmic debts myself“? From the principle standpoint I’m not sure if the two situations — the toll and the final day — are much different.

Nevertheless, Lord’s Name is His Currency that is valid everywhere!

Temporary Home

bsss — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 16:23:35 +0000

I’ve been living in a temporary home ever since I left my own home; first time when I went out for learning then afterwards whenever I moved to different jobs in different countries. I always knew that those were my temporary homes and one day I’ll go back to my own home. I never collected more than bare essential stuff in those temporary homes, and was never hesitant of leaving away the little I collected when moving to the next temporary home. I often missed my own home when in a land so foreign.

I still live in a temporary home, but I am closer to my own home than I was before and slowly moving towards it. Often the lyrics of American country artist Carrie Underwood’s “Temporary Home” come to my mind:

…This is my temporary home
It’s not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I’m passin’ through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I’m going.
I’m not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home…

Indifference; bliss it is

bsss — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 09:52:08 +0000

Knowledge — the material kind — makes me restless. Knowledge about some technical, business or arts topic, particularly when it is fresh in my mind is a great deal difficult to handle. It makes me charged with enthusiasm about doing something creative with such knowledge.
There also is the knowledge about certain things about some individual(s), especially when that individual may not know that someone else is aware of few things about him and are not hidden to his private thoughts alone. Acquiring this kind of knowledge is really an invitation to pain when you are somehow connected to such an individual. Primary reason for such pain is subjectivity, that is, our most carefully considered conclusions might seem misguided had we experienced a different past and conditioning. This follows from relativism in systems of value. This relativism even leads to doubt the basis of pragmatic arguments such as about what is good or what is bad since this presupposes a notion of good and bad. A beautiful example is in the fourth section of "The Great Happiness" (至樂 zhìlè, chapter 18), Master Chuang Tzu expresses pity to a skull he sees lying at the side of the road. Chuang Tzu laments that the skull is now dead, but the skull retorts, "How do you know it’s bad to be dead?"

However, this subjectivism is balanced by a kind of sensitive holism in the famous section called "The Happiness of Fish" (魚之樂, yúzhīlè):

Chuang Tzu and Hui Tzu were strolling along the dam of the Hao River when Chuang Tzu said, "See how the minnows come out and dart around where they please! That’s what fish really enjoy!"

Hui Tzu said, "You’re not a fish – how do you know what fish enjoy?"

Chuang Tzu said, "You’re not I, so how do you know I don’t know what fish enjoy?"

Hui Tzu said, "I’m not you, so I certainly don’t know what you know. On the other hand, you’re certainly not a fish ‑ so that still proves you don’t know what fish enjoy!"

Chuang Tzu said, "Let’s go back to your original question, please. You asked me how I know what fish enjoy ‑ so you already knew I knew it when you asked the question. I know it by standing here beside the Hao."
– Zhuangzi, 17, tr. Watson 1968:188-9

The bottom line is that we do not know for real about a whole lot of things around us and inside us, though we (our mind) may claim or even perceive otherwise. Basically we I don’t know, I just think that I know!

Sleep

bsss — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 09:38:46 +0000

A state during which my consciousness of my physical surroundings is suspended. Depending upon my experiences that I have during the state of sleep I may enjoy it or be discomforted. Often I’m not discomforted. Often the feeling — of either enjoyment or discomfort — is most intense when I’m about to wake up from the sleep. Often the sleep is most enjoyable when I’m about to wake up in the morning. My eyes are not comfortable with the brightness of the light around when I’m in the process of waking up. The light at times is unbearable to the eyes forcing me to open them slowly towards some relatively dimly lit surroundings.

Has anyone ever died of insomnia? Probably it’s the fear of dying that kills and not the lack of sleep.