Being Present

Though they discuss from among the same set of spiritual topics in every discourse, but every time it seems to give me a new view and understanding of an “old known” teaching. And usually this renewed view of the teaching would be an answer to some recent “doubt”, “confusions” or “question” that I may have had in my mind. Forgiveness was the theme of today’s satsang in Newton. Without truely forgiving (whosoever we might be expecting to owe us something – an apology, revenge etc.) it is impossible for us to be liberated. Both the creditor and debtor have to appear for settlement of the account. If, however, we forgive then only the other person would have to be answerable for his/her attitude/actions whatsoever. This is a lofty virtu and demands a huge courage on part of the forgiver. A conversation from one of Baba Ji’s Q&A session was quoted (paraphrased) whose gist was that “there’s no concept of justice in Lord’s court; all there is Mercy and Forgiveness. Had everything been absolutely just here then we can easily imagine what we must be put through, especially in this plane where we kill even while breathing and walking!” Again, to let go and truely forgive – i.e. no thought about perpetrator – are lofty standards and not for the faint hearted. Then, in the habitual hair-splitter and analytical mind the thought arises that how to inculcate this virtu or at least how to stop ourselves from being vengeful. I think the answer is not too far, though it is difficult to put in practice. We must scrutinize all our thoughts and actions and always keep in mind that every task we do is His task and not mine – just take the self out of everything. Stop attaching the “I” and “mine” with our actions. That said, we certainly need to be extreemely cautious of the actions -  I cannot go and hurt someone and declare that it was His task! I think if we are always keeping the Satguru in our mind then we cannot do anything wrong. Multiple things of varying degree of attention attached to them are constantly running in our mind. This is the problem – thought of the Satguru gets lost in this constant chatter and outside distractions. I think to be focussed and paying all our attention to Him is what He meant when Maharaj Ji said the we must learn to “be present” to be able to receive His Mercy and Grace. When we are always “present” then where is the question of any worry, attachment or any negative or positive thought? But this comes with His Grace alone!

Forgotten and imprefectly learned fact

According to one dictionary the meaning of word “remind” is given as “Assist (somebody acting or reciting) by suggesting the next words or actions of something forgotten or imperfectly learned“. The last part – “… something forgotten or imperfectly learned” – strikes me deeply if I think from spiritual context about the jolts I receive in my worldly associations. To understand His Will, with our limited intellect, seems a complicated thing sometimes – I feel so limited and know nothing! There come situations in my life which remind me again and again that lasting happiness lies only in His Name and not in gaining possessions, positions, praises and materials of this world. Often a displeasing event (usually the displeasure arises when things do not go as ‘I’ expected them to go) forces me to think about this forgotten and imprefectly learned fact. This is where my problem starts. At such a point I ask myself: Through this pain, which is usually attributed to some of my worldly association, is He telling me that I should detach myself from the agents of this pain? Or shall I take this event as His Will and continue to be attached to such agents of pain? Where to draw the line? What is the right thing to do? And I’m lost! There’s fear and lack of courage, perhaps of losing the self, that blanks the mind and creates doubts as in Peter’s mind when he tried to walk on water:

… During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 

[Matthew 14 (New International Version)]

He’s the Driver

Whenever I try to think about the deeper meaning and purpose of life I go to some depth and then get lost after a while. A closer look at life clearly reveals that most of the events of life are my reactions to the happenings around. The way I chose to react certainly played a big role in determining its effect on me. I know some events had to happen that way and perhaps I had to react in a particular manner, however, it is only by His Grace that can make me indifferent to the events and the final outcome of my reactions. There are many ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ that I cannot clearly answer for myself. In the end I usually stop at leaving it to Him. And I think this is the right thing. Going deeper into the analysis makes the vision a bit murkier and I think it happens because such analyses promotes a sense of self and duality. In this unknown journey of life I try to act as driver of the car of my life and I think this is the mistake. He is the Driver I’m just a passenger.

Higher mind

Often my mind drags me into the whirpool of worries. After I endure the blows for a while I turn to Him for mercy and showing the way. He shows a ray of hope by activating the higher mind which suggests what alterations should be made to my approach to life so that I may remain least affected by the storms of worry. Lately one particular suggestion of the higher mind has been recurring very often: “Nothing belongs to you; everything is His so He may give it, take it or do whatever with it as He wishes. It is not your business to mourn the loss or to be exulted at some gain. Feelingwise be indifferent towards the world; feel only for the Satguru.” Now that’s a tall order. It is not always clear in some circumstances that what I should really do, afterall our karma is enforced through our desires. I wish there could be a “User’s manual” for my life that I could refer to for every such situation!

Serenity

There’s always a constant chatter going on in my mind – lately it is mostly the analytcal criticism of myself and others. Even this post is the byproduct such a mind-chatter. True serenity lies in the stillness of mind which of course is the chief endeavor of each satsangi. Living according to Sant Mat principles is not easy. Each step and thought needs to be scrutinized. I sometimes feel like not doing or thinking anything at all- just keep my indulgence in thoughts and activities to a bare minimal. But then one or the other environmental factors and my worldly attachments push me into the whirlpool of thoughts and actions which I know are useless but still have to be done. At times this urge to stay inert causes a feeling of guilt of running away from my worldly duties. Then I really wish if I could be a robot – no clutter of emotions and thoughts. I think environment in terms of our associations with people (family, friends and co-workers etc.) is extreemely imporant and is deterimental to one’s well being both worldly and spiritual.

Looking at the above lines I’m realizing that these are simple facts I’ve heard and read many times but it sinks in only with experience.

What God wants

Many great saints have said the same thing that God is Love – pure and unadulterated. Essence of this simple statement is not easy to understand. As a great saint has said that it is a matter of experience not of intellect – it knows no logic, but only devotion and faith. God wants us to love Him for His sake and not for fulfilling our worldly desires. Almighty is a very jealous beloved – He doesn’t want us to love anything or anyone other than Him. And achieving such a love is not an easy thing to do. It is also true that unless we love Him as He wants us to love Him, we cannot be truly happy and cannot unite with Him. The one who loves Him the way He wants gets everything. Lord very eagerly wants us to return back to Him but He tests our true love and devotion for Him. I recently experienced how He might be feeling when we poor mortals fail to understand this and constantly try to do our own will rather than submitting ourselves to His Sweet Will. I guess most of the parents too will be able to relate to this feeling I’m talking about. We think that we can achieve true Happiness by our own efforts, but we are mistaken. It is only through our complete devotion and love for Him that we can be worthy of His Grace and meet Him. It is a matter of pleasing Him by doing whatever it takes! And it is not easy to do