Being Present

Though they discuss from among the same set of spiritual topics in every discourse, but every time it seems to give me a new view and understanding of an “old known” teaching. And usually this renewed view of the teaching would be an answer to some recent “doubt”, “confusions” or “question” that I may have had in my mind. Forgiveness was the theme of today’s satsang in Newton. Without truely forgiving (whosoever we might be expecting to owe us something – an apology, revenge etc.) it is impossible for us to be liberated. Both the creditor and debtor have to appear for settlement of the account. If, however, we forgive then only the other person would have to be answerable for his/her attitude/actions whatsoever. This is a lofty virtu and demands a huge courage on part of the forgiver. A conversation from one of Baba Ji’s Q&A session was quoted (paraphrased) whose gist was that “there’s no concept of justice in Lord’s court; all there is Mercy and Forgiveness. Had everything been absolutely just here then we can easily imagine what we must be put through, especially in this plane where we kill even while breathing and walking!” Again, to let go and truely forgive – i.e. no thought about perpetrator – are lofty standards and not for the faint hearted. Then, in the habitual hair-splitter and analytical mind the thought arises that how to inculcate this virtu or at least how to stop ourselves from being vengeful. I think the answer is not too far, though it is difficult to put in practice. We must scrutinize all our thoughts and actions and always keep in mind that every task we do is His task and not mine – just take the self out of everything. Stop attaching the “I” and “mine” with our actions. That said, we certainly need to be extreemely cautious of the actions -  I cannot go and hurt someone and declare that it was His task! I think if we are always keeping the Satguru in our mind then we cannot do anything wrong. Multiple things of varying degree of attention attached to them are constantly running in our mind. This is the problem – thought of the Satguru gets lost in this constant chatter and outside distractions. I think to be focussed and paying all our attention to Him is what He meant when Maharaj Ji said the we must learn to “be present” to be able to receive His Mercy and Grace. When we are always “present” then where is the question of any worry, attachment or any negative or positive thought? But this comes with His Grace alone!

Forgotten and imprefectly learned fact

According to one dictionary the meaning of word “remind” is given as “Assist (somebody acting or reciting) by suggesting the next words or actions of something forgotten or imperfectly learned“. The last part – “… something forgotten or imperfectly learned” – strikes me deeply if I think from spiritual context about the jolts I receive in my worldly associations. To understand His Will, with our limited intellect, seems a complicated thing sometimes – I feel so limited and know nothing! There come situations in my life which remind me again and again that lasting happiness lies only in His Name and not in gaining possessions, positions, praises and materials of this world. Often a displeasing event (usually the displeasure arises when things do not go as ‘I’ expected them to go) forces me to think about this forgotten and imprefectly learned fact. This is where my problem starts. At such a point I ask myself: Through this pain, which is usually attributed to some of my worldly association, is He telling me that I should detach myself from the agents of this pain? Or shall I take this event as His Will and continue to be attached to such agents of pain? Where to draw the line? What is the right thing to do? And I’m lost! There’s fear and lack of courage, perhaps of losing the self, that blanks the mind and creates doubts as in Peter’s mind when he tried to walk on water:

… During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 

[Matthew 14 (New International Version)]

He’s the Driver

Whenever I try to think about the deeper meaning and purpose of life I go to some depth and then get lost after a while. A closer look at life clearly reveals that most of the events of life are my reactions to the happenings around. The way I chose to react certainly played a big role in determining its effect on me. I know some events had to happen that way and perhaps I had to react in a particular manner, however, it is only by His Grace that can make me indifferent to the events and the final outcome of my reactions. There are many ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ that I cannot clearly answer for myself. In the end I usually stop at leaving it to Him. And I think this is the right thing. Going deeper into the analysis makes the vision a bit murkier and I think it happens because such analyses promotes a sense of self and duality. In this unknown journey of life I try to act as driver of the car of my life and I think this is the mistake. He is the Driver I’m just a passenger.

Grace of the Kaamil Murshid

Company of a Kaamil Murshid (True Master) gradually changes the life of a disciple – howsoever lowly and dirty may be the deeds and thoughts of the disciple. The whole perspective changes – we slowly start seeing the true meaning of Master’s words! Masters of all times and cultures have said the same things. I recently read a book on Saeen Bulleh Shah who was a Kaamil Murshid himself (around 1700 AD in India). I’ve been listening to His poetry (popular in Punjab) and enjoying the most beautiful expressions of love and seperation I’ve ever seen. The depth and true spiritual meaning of each tuk of His powerful kalaam I could understand only now! I can not imagine how high would be His spiritual state by just intellectual reading of whose expressions itself has made me cry!

Invisible man

Everyday I come across three men. These three different looking men, though have something in common amongst them, stir different kind thoughts in my mind. These three men – all in the latter years of their lives – are homeless. At times I’ve heared one of them, who stands outside the subway station exit, murmering a feeble and barely audible ”some change please“. He can be seen outside the station both in the morning as well as in the evening. The second one stands accross the road from subway station near the cafe, holding a placard that reads something which says he’s living with AIDS. And there’s the third one who has some strange serene glow on his face – perhaps because of his white beard. He keeps on holding out his cup with both hands and his head and eyes lowered and kind of lost in some deep meditation. My heart cries when I think about the pain each one these men must have gone through while their ego was crushed and they have to force themselves to beg. People move in front them as if these men were invisible. It makes me feel very sad when I think about such helpless people.

Satguru’s Will

As usual, the Satsang this weekend was amazing. There’s always a personal message the we all bring home from such discourses. One of the point that hit me was “moving from expectations to submission”. I often struggle with my feeble mind to figure out what is His Will. I’m constantly on the lookout for a formula that can be used to evaluate any given situation to find out whether the situation is His Will or someone else’s. I’ve not been very happy with my life since past few years. Every day it seems to be aggravating. This forces me to seek shelter in Satguru’s teachings. In a way this is very good as it forces me to look inside me. Coming back to the satsang’s point of “moving from expectation to submision”, I think the need is to relax the mind. I try to counsel my mind that: “Look, you have done the best you could do for achieving happiness and harmony in your worldly life. You have taken every possible care under your control not to hurt anyone and keep everyone happy. Despite that if you do not get the peace and happiness, then perhaps this is what is His mauj. While going through it, you may clearly see that others may not be acting rationally or may be acting in very selfish manner, thus causing much pain in your life, but still the need is to overlook their failures and shortcomings. Perhaps this is what He wants them to do. However, at the same time do not keep lying like a doormat in front of them for ever. Move on and protect yourself. Keep your life objective, that Guru has taught, in front of you all the time.”

ਕਦੇ ਕਦੇ ਮੈੰ ਏਹ ਸੋਚ ਕੇ..

… that what should I really do to get some peace of mind? ਮੇਰੀ ਹਾਲਤ ਏਹੋ ਜੇਹੀ ਹੈ ਕੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਇੰਝ ਲਗਦਾ ਹੈ ਜਿਵੇੰ ਮੇਰੇ ਹੱਥ ਵਿੱਚ ਕੁਝ ਵੀ ਨਹੀ … I know nothing!

Hukam

gur nwnk jI dw ieh buhq hI sundr aupdyS hY:

soriT mhlw 1 Gru 1 AstpdIAw cauqukI

ijau clwey iqau cwlh BweI hor ikAw ko kry cqurweI ]6] ieik Brim Bulwey ieik BgqI rwqy qyrw Kylu Apwrw ] ijqu quDu lwey qyhw Plu pwieAw qU hukim clwvxhwrw ] syvw krI jy ikCu hovY Apxw jIau ipMfu qumwrw ] siqguir imilAY ikrpw kInI AMimRq nwmu ADwrw ]7] ggnqir vwisAw gux prgwisAw gux mih igAwn iDAwn ] nwmu min BwvY khY khwvY qqo qqu vKwn ] sbdu gur pIrw gihr gMBIrw ibnu sbdY jgu baurwn ] pUrw bYrwgI shij suBwgI scu nwnk mnu mwn ]8]1]

pMjwbI ivAwiKAw :

hy BweI! koeI AwdmI AwpxI isAwxp dw mwx nhIN kr skdw, ijvyN ijvyN prmwqmw swnuM jIvW nuM (jIvn-rwh auqy) qordw hY iqvyN iqvyN hI AsI qurdy hW [6[hy Apwr pRBU! AnykW jIv Btkxw ivc (pw ky) kurwhy pwey hoey hn, AnykW jIv qyrI BgqI (dy rMg) ivc rMgy hoey hn [ieh (sB) qyrw Kyl (ricAw hoieAw) hY [ ijs pwsy qUM jIvW nuM lwieAw hoieAw hY auho ijhw Pl jIv Bog rhy hn [ qUM (sB jIvW nuM) Awpxy hukm ivc clwx dy smr`Q hYN [ (myry pws) jy koeI cIz myrI AwpxI hovy qW (mYN ieh AwKx dw &Kr kr skW ik) mYN qyrI syvw kr irhw hW, pr myrI ieh ijMd qyrI hI id`qI hoeI hY qy myrw srIr BI qyrw hI id`qw hoieAw hY [ jy gurU iml pey qW auh ikrpw krdw hY qy Awqmk jIvn dyx vwlw qyrw nwm mYnuM (izMdgI dw) Awsrw dyNdw hY [7[hy nwnk! jo mnu`K sdw au~cy Awqmk mMfl ivc v`sdw hY (suriq itkweI r`Kdw hY) aus dy AMdr Awqmk gux prgt huMdy hn, Awqmk guxW nwl auh fUMGI sWJ pweI r`Kdw hY, Awqmk guxW ivc hI aus dI suriq juVI rihMdI hY (auhI mnu`K pUrn iqAwgI hY)

Higher mind

Often my mind drags me into the whirpool of worries. After I endure the blows for a while I turn to Him for mercy and showing the way. He shows a ray of hope by activating the higher mind which suggests what alterations should be made to my approach to life so that I may remain least affected by the storms of worry. Lately one particular suggestion of the higher mind has been recurring very often: “Nothing belongs to you; everything is His so He may give it, take it or do whatever with it as He wishes. It is not your business to mourn the loss or to be exulted at some gain. Feelingwise be indifferent towards the world; feel only for the Satguru.” Now that’s a tall order. It is not always clear in some circumstances that what I should really do, afterall our karma is enforced through our desires. I wish there could be a “User’s manual” for my life that I could refer to for every such situation!

The 3Ds

Most of the time I find myself struggling to balance the 3Ds – desires, duties and devotion to the Lord – of my life. I sometimes wonder what if my life ends tomorrow. And at some other times I feel all these jotting down of my thoughts, frustrations and emotions is futile and a wastage of time and energy. Life goes on as it has been ordained to go. The persistently recurring question is: Why I’m so restless most of the time; why the sporadic lulls so shotlived? Well, to find the remedy for a problem it is always necessary to first understand what the problem is and why it is there in the first place. Root of the problem lies in when I find myself trying to find leasting pleasure and happiness in anything perceivable by senses. I may get some temporary pleasure by way of the above. But the cost usually is very high – attachment to that object of pleasure. The above attachment slowly leads to a situation when I start believing that the object is mine. It’s like a child who, though, can forget the cute pet he plays with for a while at a store, but finds it so tough to even share it with friends later if mommy happens to buy him that pet. He just starts wrongly believing that the pet is his forever!

Being a Satsangi I know I’ve been bestowed with the greatest weapon to fight such situations, but the enemy too is formidable. I guess I’ve to overhaul my approach to life. As Maharaj Ji said that we should deal with our duties and asociations in our life like a store manager and not like owner of the store. Unlike the owner, the store manager is not bothered much about whether there is a loss or profit to the business; all he cares about is his assigned work and the wages.

I think with so many deep grooves of desires and attachments in my mind it will take a lot of training and nudging for my mind to function like a shop manager in the big shop called life whose owner is the Lord and to believe that any profit or loss to the shop is His business and not mine.